2008 Woodie Awards
The inevitability of forgiveness
Jo-Ann Arquillano
Issue date: 4/25/06 Section: News
From the time we are little children, we are taught to say sorry when we have done wrong, when we've misbehaved. Supposedly, this one word is to absolve us of all our guilt. It is supposed to completely undo any injury we may have caused. And correspondingly, when we say sorry, we are to be forgiven, just like that.
But forgiveness is a tricky thing. As a Catholic, I was taught that forgiveness is one of the most important virtues to uphold. We must love one another as we love ourselves. We must look past the errors of others and overcome our own anger, pain, and resentment. Apparently, as good people, we must work to discard our emotions by overwhelming them with this obligation to forgive.
I watched an episode of Oprah when she discussed the matter, describing the ability to forgive and saying to the person, "I refuse to exert any more effort being angry at you." In that sense, it seems a lot more like freedom, like letting something go and consequently benefiting yourself from the pleasure of releasing this grudge. But what if you want to hang on to that something? What if you want to hold on to that pain or anger for a little while longer?
I must admit, I'm quite a fan of grudges myself. And I can hold out for a pretty long time. Maybe it's a pride thing. Something upsets me and I decide that it's going to upset me until I couldn't possibly be upset any longer. I guess I just don't see any reason to rush my emotions, because really, isn't it just refusing to admit that I'm still worked up about something?
I'm one of those people that hold their friends in incredibly high regard. That being said, I also tend to be easily disappointed in them, because I expect so much from them. (It's a wonder I have any of them left at all, isn't it?) I just get so caught up in the principle of the matter and yes, pride plays a very heavy role in my actions. It's like I insist on maintaining my emotions until others have been appropriately punished. And yet, with my strong - and yes, irrational - affinity for holding a grudge, every now and then the seemingly impossible happens.
Sometimes, as much as I try to fight it, I have to forgive. For one reason or another, there comes a time when some other emotion manages to conquer (though believe me, just barely) my insistence to hold on to every reason to remain angry. There are times when as much as my mind is screaming to stay strong in my displeasure, I lose complete ability to control myself and before I know what' s happening I've forgiven. It's an enigma that I have yet to solve. Maybe it seems silly to you, that this is so difficult for me to do. But it is.
I don't know why I do it and I don't know if it'll ever get any easier, but for now, I guess I should just keep those few who have gained my forgiveness close, because apparently there must be something special about them.
But forgiveness is a tricky thing. As a Catholic, I was taught that forgiveness is one of the most important virtues to uphold. We must love one another as we love ourselves. We must look past the errors of others and overcome our own anger, pain, and resentment. Apparently, as good people, we must work to discard our emotions by overwhelming them with this obligation to forgive.
I watched an episode of Oprah when she discussed the matter, describing the ability to forgive and saying to the person, "I refuse to exert any more effort being angry at you." In that sense, it seems a lot more like freedom, like letting something go and consequently benefiting yourself from the pleasure of releasing this grudge. But what if you want to hang on to that something? What if you want to hold on to that pain or anger for a little while longer?
I must admit, I'm quite a fan of grudges myself. And I can hold out for a pretty long time. Maybe it's a pride thing. Something upsets me and I decide that it's going to upset me until I couldn't possibly be upset any longer. I guess I just don't see any reason to rush my emotions, because really, isn't it just refusing to admit that I'm still worked up about something?
I'm one of those people that hold their friends in incredibly high regard. That being said, I also tend to be easily disappointed in them, because I expect so much from them. (It's a wonder I have any of them left at all, isn't it?) I just get so caught up in the principle of the matter and yes, pride plays a very heavy role in my actions. It's like I insist on maintaining my emotions until others have been appropriately punished. And yet, with my strong - and yes, irrational - affinity for holding a grudge, every now and then the seemingly impossible happens.
Sometimes, as much as I try to fight it, I have to forgive. For one reason or another, there comes a time when some other emotion manages to conquer (though believe me, just barely) my insistence to hold on to every reason to remain angry. There are times when as much as my mind is screaming to stay strong in my displeasure, I lose complete ability to control myself and before I know what' s happening I've forgiven. It's an enigma that I have yet to solve. Maybe it seems silly to you, that this is so difficult for me to do. But it is.
I don't know why I do it and I don't know if it'll ever get any easier, but for now, I guess I should just keep those few who have gained my forgiveness close, because apparently there must be something special about them.