2008 Woodie Awards
K-Fed 'plays with fire,' gets burned
Federline becomes new Vanilla Ice
Adrian Garro
Issue date: 11/7/06 Section: Detour
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America, we have entered a new era. That's right-Kevin Federline's rap CD Playing with Fire finally came out.
Appropriately launched on Halloween, the backup-dancer-turned-Mr. Britney Spears has dropped a bomb on the world, and man, does it stink.
In case you don't know who K-Fed is, he is the worthless waste of humanity that married Britney Spears, and immediately went from anonymous loser to rich and famous annoyance.
It would be one thing if he was actually an artist prior to knocking boots with Britney, but instead, he has carried out the reverse-Paris Hilton Effect: instead of being born into fame and riches and then releasing a CD, he became rich through marriage, and used her to finance his album.
Shame on you, Britney, for supporting this. You sure can pick a winner.
Lyrically, K-Fed (or "Pancake Man," as he refers to himself) makes Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit look like a venerable god. Federline drops such poetry as, "It's goin' down like a fresh pair of panties" (in Privilege), "K-Fed, I'm the pimp of all pimps/mack of all macks/sit back cuz y'all wack" (in the intellectually stimulating Dance With a Pimp) and, "This marijuana's got me heavily sedated-I'm Kevin Federline, America's most hated" (in America's Most Hated). Clearly, we are dealing with a genius here. Perhaps the best rhyme was, "Who told this bastard that he can't rap? I got $50 mil, I can do whatever I want," which doesn't actually rhyme at all.
K-Fed's delivery is similar to that of someone imitating Eminem, constantly making statements about how critics (or "haters") just add fuel to his fire. The problem is, there is no fire to be seen anywhere. Every single song is about clubbing, haters, drinking, and how awesome and rich he is. There is no meaningful content anywhere, but that's hardly a surprise.
The beats are decent, but that's because K-Fed had a money tree at his disposal, called Britney. All the semi-phat beats and weird keyboard noises (Lose Control) make part of the CD at least somewhat listenable, but it all boils down to the fact that it is Kevin Federline doing the "rapping".
K-Fed has absolutely nothing to say, thus he should never have even released a CD. He isn't an artist. If the music industry was a fish tank, he would be the one sucking on the wall, cleaning up all the dirt and grime, doing anything he can to be around the rest of the fish, and still consider himself a valid member of the group.
Appropriately launched on Halloween, the backup-dancer-turned-Mr. Britney Spears has dropped a bomb on the world, and man, does it stink.
In case you don't know who K-Fed is, he is the worthless waste of humanity that married Britney Spears, and immediately went from anonymous loser to rich and famous annoyance.
It would be one thing if he was actually an artist prior to knocking boots with Britney, but instead, he has carried out the reverse-Paris Hilton Effect: instead of being born into fame and riches and then releasing a CD, he became rich through marriage, and used her to finance his album.
Shame on you, Britney, for supporting this. You sure can pick a winner.
Lyrically, K-Fed (or "Pancake Man," as he refers to himself) makes Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit look like a venerable god. Federline drops such poetry as, "It's goin' down like a fresh pair of panties" (in Privilege), "K-Fed, I'm the pimp of all pimps/mack of all macks/sit back cuz y'all wack" (in the intellectually stimulating Dance With a Pimp) and, "This marijuana's got me heavily sedated-I'm Kevin Federline, America's most hated" (in America's Most Hated). Clearly, we are dealing with a genius here. Perhaps the best rhyme was, "Who told this bastard that he can't rap? I got $50 mil, I can do whatever I want," which doesn't actually rhyme at all.
K-Fed's delivery is similar to that of someone imitating Eminem, constantly making statements about how critics (or "haters") just add fuel to his fire. The problem is, there is no fire to be seen anywhere. Every single song is about clubbing, haters, drinking, and how awesome and rich he is. There is no meaningful content anywhere, but that's hardly a surprise.
The beats are decent, but that's because K-Fed had a money tree at his disposal, called Britney. All the semi-phat beats and weird keyboard noises (Lose Control) make part of the CD at least somewhat listenable, but it all boils down to the fact that it is Kevin Federline doing the "rapping".
K-Fed has absolutely nothing to say, thus he should never have even released a CD. He isn't an artist. If the music industry was a fish tank, he would be the one sucking on the wall, cleaning up all the dirt and grime, doing anything he can to be around the rest of the fish, and still consider himself a valid member of the group.