2008 Woodie Awards
Maybe I like to relieve my bladder in seclusion; so what?
Community urination should be left for the the ballpark
J. Harry Painter
Issue date: 11/21/06 Section: Detour
- Page 1 of 1
Dude. When I urinate, I like to do it in privacy. Which is why I hate the public restrooms at Saint Mary's. After a brief walkthrough of some of these restrooms, one would think that the concept of private pissing was foreign to this place.
Last week, I was on my way down the hall from The Collegian office to the men's room. For those who aren't aware, this bathroom has exactly two urinals directly next to each other-a nightmare for anyone with a fear of public urinating.
I noticed The Collegian's Business Manager Brandon Elefante trailing not far behind me, and only one thing was on my mind. I proceeded to enter the restroom, and took to the urinal on the right, wondering whether my Hawaiian friend had it in him to ruin my urinary experience.
I stood there on my toes, since the urinals are so high that my globes could hardly avoid coming in contact with the porcelain. Like a decent human being, Brandon chose the stall; my day was saved. But why should the natural human necessity of urination ever be an uncomfortable one? It shouldn't.
First off, how much would it really cost to put some barriers in between the urinals? In Dante Hall, there is a row of 10 urinals, each one separated by a gap no longer than my middle finger. This bothers me, considering that there are never more than four people using those urinals at any given time. It wouldn't hurt to give people a little breathing room. It's not penis envy either; it's my natural aversion to showing myself to strangers. And I know it's not just me, because I have never seen two people simultaneously occupy adjacent urinals. The unspoken rule is to leave at least one vacant and skip to the next, or opt for the stall. This common occurrence could be avoided by simply nailing a few boards to the wall.
Second, anyone who's been to the men's room in Dante could also tell you that there's a urinal directly next to the sink, leaving one's manhood potentially inches away from another guy's hands. What's the deal, administration? I guess leaving a foot's length of room was out of the question, what with our tight budget and all.
Even worse-and I'm sure that in their rush to class some haven't noticed-there are gigantic windows on the wall that are always open. I understand that some of us get claustrophobic, but excuse me if I'm willing to sacrifice a little air in order to piss without SMC's student body, 2,500 strong, looking on in approval.
Speaking of approval, what genius approved placing two separate toilets in the handicapped stall in the restroom? What could possibly be the use for two toilets in one stall? Yes, disabled people sometimes have special needs, but I'm pretty sure this isn't one of them.
It's not rocket science, administration. I don't want to go into some whiny spiel about how my daddy's paying you $40,000 a year and I deserve this and that, but come on. Let me pee in peace.
Last week, I was on my way down the hall from The Collegian office to the men's room. For those who aren't aware, this bathroom has exactly two urinals directly next to each other-a nightmare for anyone with a fear of public urinating.
I noticed The Collegian's Business Manager Brandon Elefante trailing not far behind me, and only one thing was on my mind. I proceeded to enter the restroom, and took to the urinal on the right, wondering whether my Hawaiian friend had it in him to ruin my urinary experience.
I stood there on my toes, since the urinals are so high that my globes could hardly avoid coming in contact with the porcelain. Like a decent human being, Brandon chose the stall; my day was saved. But why should the natural human necessity of urination ever be an uncomfortable one? It shouldn't.
First off, how much would it really cost to put some barriers in between the urinals? In Dante Hall, there is a row of 10 urinals, each one separated by a gap no longer than my middle finger. This bothers me, considering that there are never more than four people using those urinals at any given time. It wouldn't hurt to give people a little breathing room. It's not penis envy either; it's my natural aversion to showing myself to strangers. And I know it's not just me, because I have never seen two people simultaneously occupy adjacent urinals. The unspoken rule is to leave at least one vacant and skip to the next, or opt for the stall. This common occurrence could be avoided by simply nailing a few boards to the wall.
Second, anyone who's been to the men's room in Dante could also tell you that there's a urinal directly next to the sink, leaving one's manhood potentially inches away from another guy's hands. What's the deal, administration? I guess leaving a foot's length of room was out of the question, what with our tight budget and all.
Even worse-and I'm sure that in their rush to class some haven't noticed-there are gigantic windows on the wall that are always open. I understand that some of us get claustrophobic, but excuse me if I'm willing to sacrifice a little air in order to piss without SMC's student body, 2,500 strong, looking on in approval.
Speaking of approval, what genius approved placing two separate toilets in the handicapped stall in the restroom? What could possibly be the use for two toilets in one stall? Yes, disabled people sometimes have special needs, but I'm pretty sure this isn't one of them.
It's not rocket science, administration. I don't want to go into some whiny spiel about how my daddy's paying you $40,000 a year and I deserve this and that, but come on. Let me pee in peace.