2008 Woodie Awards
Beyond the Bubble
NATIONAL AND WORLD NEWS BITES
Issue date: 3/27/07 Section: Cooligan
- Page 1 of 1
SACRAMENTO, CA - Governator Ahnold (Arnold Schwarzennegger-er-er-rah) has recently announced plans to improve the health of California citizens and to fight obesity by enforcing a new state-wide physical education program for public elementary schools. The plan requires students third grade and up to have at least 20 hours of body-building exercises every week. The plan also has students in high school competing in body building contests. The governor argues that only with that kind of exercise could California come to fight the fat epidemic.
McMINNVILLE, OR - A rabid squirrel and pitbull are put down after an alteraction with local school teacher Richard Jennit, 37. Jennit, on the way to his car, was attacked by the stray pitbull. The squirrel then intervened and futility battled the pitbull. Both tasted Jennit's blood, who came away with a few minor cuts.
JERUSALEM, Isreal - Mel Gibson was seen. His motives are unknown at this time.
HAVANA, Cuba - An international summit has convened to draft a plan to ban the sales of all Che Guevara-related merchandise.
URUGUAY - For the first time in its history, no cock fights were reported over the course of March-their holy month.
TOKYO, Japan - Pride Fighting Championships has been indicted for its ties to the Yakuza, a Japanese mafia.
JAMAICA - President Bush was seen leaving a smoky meeting with other world leaders.
CAPE TOWN, South Africa - A group of rebels were videotaped ghost riding the whip on their Jeeps while on duty. They have been dismissed via a bullet in the head. The video and the execution can be seen on YouTube.com
McMINNVILLE, OR - A rabid squirrel and pitbull are put down after an alteraction with local school teacher Richard Jennit, 37. Jennit, on the way to his car, was attacked by the stray pitbull. The squirrel then intervened and futility battled the pitbull. Both tasted Jennit's blood, who came away with a few minor cuts.
JERUSALEM, Isreal - Mel Gibson was seen. His motives are unknown at this time.
HAVANA, Cuba - An international summit has convened to draft a plan to ban the sales of all Che Guevara-related merchandise.
URUGUAY - For the first time in its history, no cock fights were reported over the course of March-their holy month.
TOKYO, Japan - Pride Fighting Championships has been indicted for its ties to the Yakuza, a Japanese mafia.
JAMAICA - President Bush was seen leaving a smoky meeting with other world leaders.
CAPE TOWN, South Africa - A group of rebels were videotaped ghost riding the whip on their Jeeps while on duty. They have been dismissed via a bullet in the head. The video and the execution can be seen on YouTube.com