The Collegian

Issue date: 3/27/07 Section: Cooligan

Yes, I, the famous Albino Raccoon residing on Saint Mary's College property have finally set the ball rolling on my campaign to take over the world (this is why I haven't been sighted as of late). [insert evil laugh here: BUAH HAHAHA!]

I am about to divulge to you my sinister plan to rule the world.

WAIT! No, that would be stupid.

But it's so cool. Look, first I take over The Collegian to corrupt your poor souls and take you over to the dark side (we have cookies here, by the way).

Then I will claim presidency of Saint Mary's College and turn the school into a place to cultivate a massive army. You, by the way, will become many among my minions to reclaim this earth for my family of 300,200,000,001.7 members. You, of course, will be working for no pay or food¯slave labor is the most cost-effective way to go, so I was told.

Afterward, I will move on to become the mayor of Moraga (my son, Ishkuboob, will throw the ballot in my favor, of course. Good ole Ishkuboob).

Then after turning the citizens into my servants, I will continue to terminate the governator...

Oh holy tomatoes! I have said too much! Continue reading so that I may erase your memory of...

See 'MEMORY ERASE' p. 67.

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