2008 Woodie Awards
Caution! Warning labels getting out of hand
Whitney Medved
Issue date: 4/24/07 Section: Detour
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I recently found myself not traversing a considerable distance on one of the few stationary bikes remaining in the Power Plant. After surveying the general area for a while, my gaze fell upon a boldfaced white inscription below the blaring red display of RPM's and total calories burned that stated, "Warning, stop pedaling if you don't feel well". I realize that at the crux of most spin classes, "well" is probably not the word of choice used to define a person's condition. But even in these circumstances it would seem that the individual would have enough common sense and foresight to discern when further pedal revulsions would pose a mortal threat. Assuming makes an arse out of me and every Fortune 500 company that has ever been taken for all their worth though, better to be safe than sorry-I guess.
We've all heard them, these stories of seemingly blatant idiocy prompting commonsense labels: "So you know why McDonald's coffee cups say 'HOT!' all over them, right?" and "There was once this kid, he was trying to steal pop out of a machine but it fell on him…pay up Pepsi"-the list goes on.
I realize the legal system was instated so as to protect those inalienable rights we all hold so near and dear, as well as to maintain a certain level of order in society, but we may be getting a little out of control here. I think that when a bottle of Neutrogena Oil Free Acne Wash-dermatologist recommended-warns me that said product is for external use only, it sort of insults my intelligence. As far as I am concerned the word "wash" entails that there will be some sort of water and soap contact with the surface of my face. I have difficulty understanding why one would think to slurp such a product, or by some other method internalize it.
Lastly, while this particular warning doesn't necessarily show up on the actual product, I would love to know who initially thought to use butter or ointment to treat a severe burn. Much emphasis was added to this maltreatment in both a first-aid book I had in high school and an anatomy book. I just can't get my head around it.
Someone could though, just as someone spilled coffee and cashed in, and someone else found the loop-hole in attempted theft. Presumably, someone even thought to devour his or her skin care product. Maybe at the end of the day the problem is not out-of-control labels, but rather people's inability to harbor a little common sense. The scariest part of all is that maybe labels that warn me not to use a hair dryer while I am in the bathtub or shower might actually be needed.
We've all heard them, these stories of seemingly blatant idiocy prompting commonsense labels: "So you know why McDonald's coffee cups say 'HOT!' all over them, right?" and "There was once this kid, he was trying to steal pop out of a machine but it fell on him…pay up Pepsi"-the list goes on.
I realize the legal system was instated so as to protect those inalienable rights we all hold so near and dear, as well as to maintain a certain level of order in society, but we may be getting a little out of control here. I think that when a bottle of Neutrogena Oil Free Acne Wash-dermatologist recommended-warns me that said product is for external use only, it sort of insults my intelligence. As far as I am concerned the word "wash" entails that there will be some sort of water and soap contact with the surface of my face. I have difficulty understanding why one would think to slurp such a product, or by some other method internalize it.
Lastly, while this particular warning doesn't necessarily show up on the actual product, I would love to know who initially thought to use butter or ointment to treat a severe burn. Much emphasis was added to this maltreatment in both a first-aid book I had in high school and an anatomy book. I just can't get my head around it.
Someone could though, just as someone spilled coffee and cashed in, and someone else found the loop-hole in attempted theft. Presumably, someone even thought to devour his or her skin care product. Maybe at the end of the day the problem is not out-of-control labels, but rather people's inability to harbor a little common sense. The scariest part of all is that maybe labels that warn me not to use a hair dryer while I am in the bathtub or shower might actually be needed.